im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
