plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
