Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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