I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
