I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
