Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
