Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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