he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
