All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
