No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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