Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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