i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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