I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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