when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
