I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
