the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
