Plan B is the new Plan A
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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