You're so nebulous sometimes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
