fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
