thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
