he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
