I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
