I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
