ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
