I just threw up on my dentist
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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