Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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