Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
