I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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