he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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