I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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