Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
