I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
