Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
