the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
