Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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