I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
