Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need water and some morals
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