I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
