dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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