I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize