new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
