I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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