THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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