I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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