Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
