turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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