Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
