if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
