I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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