just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
