You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
