you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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