addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
