the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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