Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize