She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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