you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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