i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
