You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
