I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
