How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
