I just threw up on my dentist
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
