I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
