Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
