Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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