insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
