Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
